What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
