Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
