i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
