No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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