In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize