I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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