You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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