i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
love makes seman taste better
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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