Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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