I wannas sexs uuuuu
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
