dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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