in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
