eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
