guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
