Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
