Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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