This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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