I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
