i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
ttyl tear gas
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
