get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
