Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
