Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
