Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
