No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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