I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Randomize
