Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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