maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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