just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
