my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
