So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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