i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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