Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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