I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
