worst night to have a conscience
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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