I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
