you guys were way drunker than both of me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
