my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
