i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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