your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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