I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
