Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
