You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
