bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
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