If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
