as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
