Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
