do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
