I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
