If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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