chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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