You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
