My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
