Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
