The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
