i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
