You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
