in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize