The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
then he tried to convert me to islam
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Randomize
