i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize