i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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