the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
