we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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