I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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