Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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