so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
